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"Not That Skinny"

Every day at work, around noon, my coworkers go out to eat at restaurants on the company’s dime. Every day they ask me if I want to join. Every day I say no and stick to coffee and cookies in the office. Today one of my coworkers said, “Not eating again? You never eat. But I don’t get it, you’re not that skinny.”

I guess she meant that I’m not underweight or that I don’t look unhealthy, but I still took it as a major insult and all I could think about afterwards was what a fatass I’ve become again. Why can’t people keep their comments to themselves? Why does food have to be such a huge topic of conversation? What do they care how I eat? Don’t I worry about that enough myself?

*Sigh*… I need to lose the 10 pounds I gained since March… 


Why did I just binge after already gaining 3 pounds today? I wish I would just drop dead already. 

Hmm.. I wish I could get high right now.

Hmm.. I wish I could get high right now.

new job tomorrow

freaking out.

what if it’s terrible?

what if I suck? 

I’m not ready to be a responsible adult. 


I’ve been eating pretty well for a week, but right now I have an extreme urge to b/p and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m going crazy trying to fight it. Help!

if I were to break my scale…

what should I write on it before shattering it the way it shattered my life?

exactly what I’m going through


I ate too much today, and it’s screwing with my head. What I eat doesn’t change who I am, right? It doesn’t change what the people who matter think of me, right? Damn. I fucking hate this.